Los Misterios de Laura 1x02

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Laura's Mysteries

The Mystery of the Perfect Neighborhood

Kid 1: Our parents have made a barbecue in the yard.
Kid 2: The neighbors have come and they've invited you.
Mr. Gooding: I am not going to be able to come. I'm busy.
Mrs. Roper: No! Don't tell me that you're not going to be able to come.
Mr. Gooding: The thing is... I was going to go out and...
Mrs. Roper: Come on, man, it will be just a little moment. It will be just a little drink.
Mr. Gooding: Only one drink.
Mrs. Roper: Only one drink.
Come on. Come on!

Músculos: Those peppers are underdone.
Mr. Roper: No, man, no. They're done. Look, how nice. Look at their texture.
Mrs. Roper: Kids! Leave that, you're going to end up knocking it over.
Kid 2: Yay! Yay!
Barbie: They're so beautiful, huh?
Mrs. Roper: They're beautiful.
Músculos: Well, this is it already, look out not to scald yourselves, huh?
Mrs. Roper: The bad thing is to have to take them to school downtown every morning because of traffic.
Barbie: Thanks.
Mr. Roper: You're welcome.
Mrs. Roper: It is just... I didn't remember what that was.
Barbie: What a suffocation.
Músculos: Well... here you are. I think you pregnant women might eat for two people.
Mr. Roper: Take another one, man. It is much better than last year's.
Mr. Gooding: No, no, thank you a lot. The truth is I'm not very hungry.
Mrs. Roper: But you've got to eat a little, man.
Mr. Gooding: I think I've had some spare drinks.
The Operated: Yeah! I think we all drank too much wine, I am also kind of good!
Mr. Gooding: I, if you'll excuse me, am going to have to go home.
Mrs. Roper: Are you sure? Don't you want to stay a little longer?
Mr. Gooding: No, no. Thank you. Really. I'm tired.
Mr. Roper: Brighten up.
Mr. Gooding: No, no. Thank you, thank you.
Phone: We will answer your call in some seconds.
We will answer your call in some seconds.
We will answer your call in some seconds.
Good afternoon, police, what may I help you in?
Mr. Gooding: Help... help...
Phone: I can't understand what you're saying. Do you hear me? Sir! Do you hear me? If it's an emergency, we'll send a unit to the address which appears on screen. Do you hear me? Sir, can you hear me? We'll send a unit to your address. Calm down, in some minutes, we'll be there.

Martin: What's wrong with your head?
Laura: What is wrong with your head. You're being investigated for going to bed with a suspect and you do not even bat an eyelid.
Martin: It did not actually happen anything!
Laura: It wasn't that that I saw.
Martin: And you're gonna say it like that at the meeting?
Laura: Martin, if I'm asked about that, you know I can't lie, but I'll help you as I can. I promise. And now you're gonna tell me who that girl was?
Martin: The cleaning girl. She comes once a week. Today was her turn but... she didn't know her boss had been killed. Hey, and why did you arrive so late?
Laura: Because I been waiting for you half an hour till I realized I was in the wrong development. "Green Countrysides" or something like that. They all are called the same. They're all as posh as ever.
Martin: He's the dead one. Military man, retired, an expert in communications.
Laura: How did he die?
Martin: Yesterday. In the bath. It looked like a heart attack but the first analysis have proved that he'd got poison in his organism.
Laura: Could it have been a suicide?
Martin: I don't think so. He called the police asking for help while he was dying. It is how we found the  house. By tracking the call.
Laura: Oh, look! He had a little dog.
Martin: Yeah, but the neighbors say that it died knocked down a couple of weeks ago. I ordered the food leftovers to get analyzed but what there's in this house doesn't get us even to get started. The old man came from a barbecue with the neighbors.
Laura: But I'm not thinking about that. You said that the cleaning girl came once a week and that she hadn't come this week yet, didn't you? Well, then, someone took a lot of trouble to leave everything as the new pin.

Barbie: He was so... so kind. I can't believe what has happened.
The Operated: He never gave trouble, he was calm. We all loved him a lot.
Laura: Did you see something odd yesterday after Mr. Gooding... went on a trip?
Mrs. Roper: Don't worry about the children, you can talk clearly. We don't conceal them anything for them to... well, for them to accept terrible things naturally.
Kid 1: Mom, is Philip gonna be thrown into the toilet like when the fish died?
Mrs. Roper: No, honey, Philip is going to be buried in a very nice field and then he's going to be eaten by little worms. Oh, play! Come on.
Músculos: Philip looked very normal. He got asleep during the party, as ever. And then, at the end, he did say he felt kind of dizzy and left. I think that he had drunk a little too much.
Martin: Do you know what he had during the barbecue?
Ken: I think that he tried all of the cocktails and drinks we brought. In fact, we all drank quite a lot. Above all wine.
Martin: Do you know if he had any enemy? Or if there was anybody who he got on especially badly with?
Mrs. Roper: Well, so, it's bad to say but yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. A niece he had. Every time she came, they ended up at the top of their voices.
Barbie: And we know she was in prison. In fact, she came and visited him yesterday. Just before the barbecue. But do you think that it can have something to do with this?
Laura: It's soon to know but we'll investigate it.
During the barbecue, were you always together?
Mrs. Roper: Yes.
The Operated: We're few people and we all were there talking and without moving.
Martin: Any of you went into Philip's house before the police arrived?
Ken: No, we didn't move from here. Besides, we didn't hear about anything till the patrol car arrived.
Martin: Okey. The truth is this place is quite pleasant.
Mr. Roper: "Sunny Countrysides" was built respecting the natural environment. Can you see that olive tree there? We call it "The General". It symbolizes our concern for the environment.
Barbie: Yes. This might be like living in the country but we've already there another beggar digging in the trash cans. What do we pay the security man for if it's not for him to avoid those things?
Martin: It's not a beggar, it's my comrade. Sorry.
Laura, what are you doin'?
Laura: Can you hold me that? I'm taking these other two to the station. There's only one thing more important than a fingerprint at the time to solve a crime.
Martin: Shit?

Jacob: Hey, Felix, I have been making calculations and this police stations has twice as many agents as any downtown police station assigned. It's half dangerous, though.
Felix: Well, it's always needed to have good help.
Jacob: Sure, above all if those loaded people pay well for it, Felix...
Felix: Where do you want to end up?
Jacob: Well, I come from a neighborhood where any of the agents who're extra here would be real helpful. And I cannot stand there doing nothing as long as I can do something, Felix. They're just gonna turn against us.
Felix: And what do you want us to do? To transfer all the police officers who're extra here?
Jacob: Come off it, no, but... Hey, Martin.
Martin: I was told you wanted to talk to me.
Jacob: Yes, I received a notification. There's already a date for the disciplinary meeting that is going to look through your case.
Martin: But weren't you able to stop it?
Felix: No, I'm sorry. You have to bear in mind that the crime is serious. You went to bed with a murder suspect.
Martin: You guys would have done the same! Besides, in the end she turned out to be innocent.
Jacob: I advise you to be careful, at least till the hearing day. From now on, your conduct is going to be revised with a fine tooth comb. Don't do silly things.

Martin: You can leave all that dirt now. The leftovers that there were at the barbecue were analyzed, not even a trace of poison.
Laura: With all these people throw in the garbage, I would be able to have made croquettes for a crowd. Look.
Martin: It seems I don't have shit enough upon myself with the inquiry thing.
Laura: I found it in the recycled garbage. It's the buy ticket of the barbecue. Don't you think it's too weird it is real little food? Actually, there's hardly four sausages. And the little thing they bought, they didn't even eat it.
Martin: Those people love watching after their diet. They looked like dummies.
Laura: Yeah, but they stuffed theirselves with wine and alcohol is the most fattening thing.
Martin: Then what do we do? Arrest them for not making a proper barbecue?
Laura: Can I know what is happening to you?
Martin: If we add to the fact that they wanna open a file on me that Jacob wants to reduce staff, I think I'm extra here.
Laura: That can't be possible, you are the one that has been the longest in this station. Besides, how do you know that?
Martin: I heard Jacob tell Felix about the agents that were extra.
Laura: But what's the matter with this guy?
Martin: Besides, he can do whatever he wanna. Are you forgetting he's our leader?
Laura: He comes to my station to get me in trouble, he refuses to sign the divorce papers and now he wants to leave me without my friend!
You bastard.
Jacob: Read this first. I knew it'd be the first thing you'd tell me.
Laura: Is it true you're thinking about reducing staff?
Jacob: Hey, I do not have to discuss that with you, huh? Though I can see news fly.
Laura: That's why you wanna get rid of him.
Jacob: Hey, look, if I accepted this position, it was only for the chance to be promoted, there's no need to look for more explanations! Well, and to be with you. Now I can help you with shifts so that you can be longer with the twins. Then, better!
Laura: I manage perfectly with the twins, Jacob. Do you know how you'd help me? By signing the divorce papers.
Jacob: Laura, I... I think we're rushing.
Laura: You've actually been however long to sign them!
Jacob: Laura, I want to be with you. I know it's so confused 'cause it was me who asked you for a pause in our marriage, some months, I don't know, well, to reflect.
Laura: And what was I supposed to do? Remain sitting while you were reflecting? Do you know how I felt all that time? Left all by myself.
Jacob: Well... I don't know, let me sort that out by getting back home. But I'm so sure of how much I love you...
Laura: The problem is not that, Jacob. The problem is that I have not noticed a difference in the previous thing. When we were together, I also felt alone and with no help.

Xavier: Who is "Marijuana"?
Marilyn: She's a friend of mine I call when I get sad.
Charlie: Can we go to the park to throw water balloons?
Marilyn: No. C'mon, let's paint a little, okey?
Charlie: That sucks!
Marilyn: Hey, you don't say that! Can I know who teaches you to speak like that?
Charlie: Uncle Martin and you.
Marilyn: Well, come on. I'm making your dinner right away, okey? Good grief! Oh, God! What did you do? Did you throw the balloons?
Xavier and Charlie: No, we have them here.
Marilyn: And did you do that?
Xavier: When we came, it was like that.
Marilyn: Okey. Come on, let's go home. Run, before someone comes!
Victoria: God. This time she'll get what for.

Phone: Sir! Do you hear me? If it's an emergency, we'll send a unit to the address which appears on screen. Do you hear me? Sir, can you hear me?
Laura: Poor man.
Martin: The truth is everything that's got to do with that development gives me such bad feelings.
Laura: You also noticed it. You know what I remembered when we were there? That movie that Martians had humans and all looked cold and with no feelings, like dummies.
Cave: "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".
Martin: Cave! Did you find anything about the dead man's niece?
Cave: Yeah, I was preparing it to you... here... in order...
Laura: Right, let's see the list of witnesses and suspects.
Cave: You don't got it. You oughta stop doing that and call people by their name, then the one that has to do those chores is just me and I get muddled up...
Laura: I don't do it by their last names because otherwise the one that gets muddled up is me. The Ropers are the couple with children.
Martin: The one that's a city councilor.
Laura: Yeah.
Martin: Who's Músculos?
Laura: This is the brawny man! The one that does spraying for a living or something like that.
Martin: But you were mistaken with the girl. She's not operated. I can distinguish perfectly a pair of original ones from some common imitations.
Cave: Well, the niece...
Martin: Fire it, Cave.
Cave: She's real shrewd. She was several times in jail for stealing in shopping arcades.
Martin: Did she use to have much contact with her uncle?
Cave: Yes, yeah, yeah. I just investigated the telephone calls. Huh, since she got out of jail, they talked several times, huh?
Martin: Though they got on very badly with each other, she has no reason to kill him.
Laura: A fantastic house with some wonderful mountain views. Philip didn't have any descendants, she inherits it all. Did you find her address?
Cave: Yeah, yeah... But she got evicted 'cause she didn't pay the rent. So now her whereabouts are unknown.
Martin: Good, Cave! In the questioning room, there's some pieces of evidence that must be straightened and sorted. Why do you not see to it?
Cave: Sure. Sure, sure, sure...
Laura: You've got to stop messing around with him, Martin, one day he's really gonna get worked up.
Martin: What does it matter. At this rate, I won't be here to see it! Sure! I know why the "Sunny Fields" thing sounded familiar to me. Its builder, Paul Subik, you don't remember? He disappeared one month ago. Lydia handled the case.
Laura: Oh, it's true! It was one who disappeared just like that, wasn't it?
Martin: It was. His wife always held that something had happened to him. And in the end it turned out that he'd been doing embezzlements to his company and he'd split abroad. He's got unresolved trouble with the law.
Laura: Tell Cave to investigate it. A missing person and two deaths in very little time. And all of them with something in common. That development.
Martin: Two dead ones? The old man and who else?
Laura: The dog. Don't forget about the dog.

Jacob: Come in.
Lydia: Jacob, did you want to see me?
Jacob: Yeah, it's for the matter of Martin's disciplinary action. I just have to have a look at all of the cases he took part in but... I don't know, I still get lost in the files of this police station. Could you gather them together yourself?
Lydia: Yeah, yes. No problem. It won't take me a long time.
Jacob: Hey and try to do it discreetly, okey? I just don't... don't want anybody to find out.
Lydia: You know discretion is my strong point. That's why I waited to be with you alone. To give you your things. The things you left at home.
Jacob: Thank you. Hey, Lydia, I know it all's been a little bit weird between us. Don't know, I... I don't, don't usually act like that but I was just a little bit disturbed lately, you know?
Lydia: The night that we met at the bar, I think you knew very well what you wanted.
Jacob: Well, I had left home, I felt lonely and I had had a couple of extra drinks, don't know, I needed someone to talk to.
Lydia: I remember a lot of things about that night except that we talked. Well, neither that one nor the other nights you got back to my apartment. But you don't have to give me any explanations, we're already big guys. So, the next time you want not to talk to somebody, call me.

Victoria: And if you give, like this, a little bit damp wipe, it's enough.
Laura: We need do a lot just to have a little glass of beer...
Victoria: Oh, look! I was looking for you.
Laura: Yeah! I noticed 'cause of the two hundred messages you left on my answerphone.
Victoria: This time you're not escaping, huh? You're gonna have to pay for the mess your children made in the elevator.
Marilyn: Well, I don't know why you get like that, actually going up and down the stairs is gonna do wonderfully to you. 'Cause we put on a little bit of weight, didn't we?
Victoria: Who died and left you in charge?
Marilyn: They were under my responsibility and I can assure that they didn't do anything.
Victoria: Look, pretty girl! When the fuses blew, I heard them playing on the staircase.
Marilyn: But it's normal that at a certain age, your ear fails.
Victoria: Hey, you didn't have to be going to bed with a producer? Because I can't see another way for you to get a role on TV, so. Look, this is the estimate that I got. In a couple of days, we've got a neighbor meeting, so I hope, by then, you'll decide to pay 'cause I wouldn't like to have to make you a formal complaint. You get me.
Laura: But I cannot pay for this!
Marilyn: OK... The twins told me they didn't do it and I believe them. In fact, they even saw a shadow melt away on the staircase just after the flash.
Laura: Come on, Marilyn. It's incredible, it seems you don't know them.
The one we needed.
Marilyn: Who's it?
Laura: My sister Veronica. She's been calling me all the afternoon.
Marilyn: Your sister? Why hadn't you ever told me about her?
Laura: Why didn't you ever tell me about the plants you've got on the clothesline?
Marilyn: What plants?
Laura: Marijuanas.
Marilyn: They're for medicinal use. I swear.
Laura: Well, I didn't talk about my sister for medicinal use, either. Not to become mad.

Laura: It's weird that it hasn't been kept building over here. There's a lot of space.
Martin: When the builder of all of this cleared off, the building works came to a standstill. And the city council, you know, the neighbor...
Laura: Yeah, Roper, the one with kids.
Martin: That one. He managed to persuade the city council to buy this and make a park. Hey, you look so elegant, don't you? You have a date!
Laura: Yeah, I had one this morning with my lawyer. And as yesterday I got that mess on my head, then I went to the hairdresser's.
Good morning!
Bonnie: Hello.
Laura: Hello, so who are you? We hadn't seen you over here before.
Bonnie: You must be police officers, mustn't you? The ones who are investigating that poor man's death.
Laura: Yes.
Bonnie: I'm Monica's sister. I came to the city some days to look for work.
Martin: Then I hope you're lucky.
Laura: Very good luck. What's happening to you?
Martin: Monica is the single neighbor. Yesterday she said she was frightened since the murderer thing 'cause she lived alone.
Laura: She is Philip Gooding's niece. Our main suspect.

Bonnie: Okey, okey, okey! I'll stop, I'll stop, I'll stop!
Martin: For fuck's sake!
Bonnie: Okey...
Laura: Hey! I just lost my best shoes, I tore my best skirt and I almost broke my neck chasing you! So, please, don't make me madder!

Laura: The day that Philip died, did you talk to him?
Bonnie: No. I hadn't seen him for days.
Laura: It's not that what the neighbors say.
Bonnie: So they're lying.
Laura: Do you have an alibi for that?
Bonnie: I was away. Walking. On my own.
Martin: You don't got a good file. You were arrested several times for theft.
Bonnie: I do not steal. It's multinationals which exploit us. I just carry away what is mine.
Martin: Let out the little speeches to others, okey?
Bonnie: My uncle and I argued but we also loved each other. I was his only family.
Martin: That's how you treat his family? By stealing from them? All of this is valuables from your uncle's house! You needed money and as he didn't give it to you, you murdered him.
Bonnie: That's a lie. These jewels belong to my family. And the only thing I wanted is them not to get lost. My uncle became so annoyed last time I got out of jail. He didn't want to see me again. But... something happened.
Laura: What?
Bonnie: I got pregnant. I'm a little more of a month pregnant. He was really looking forward to it when he found out. And as the father didn't wanna know anything, my uncle told me to go and live with him. And that's what I was going to do. Last time I saw my uncle... he was kind of... frightened. He said he'd discovered something horrible.
Laura: You know what it was?
Bonnie: No. But it had to be big. He said he didn't want to say anything till he was sure. And it was 'cause of that that he was killed.

Martin: Cave, I need to ask you for a favor.
Cave: Yeah, sort trash again, right? No way!
Martin: No, this time I'm serious, it's important. Hey, it's got to do with the disciplinary action that was taken against me.
Cave: Hey, and what do I have to do with that?
Martin: Look, all the files and disciplinary actions I took part in are computerized. You just gotta delete these names.
Cave: But then it's true what they say? You're a corrupt policeman?
Martin: But what are you saying 'bout a corrupt cop?! It's true that some time, with some witness, after the investigation, well... c'mon... you know! But I don't want it to be known. The only thing you've got to do is open those files and delete those names. I would do it myself but I don't have the codes.
Cave: Yep. And what do you offer to me in return?
Martin: I'll let you go with Laura to investigate.
Cave: Seriously?
Martin: Yeah.
Cave: Really? Okey, then, count on it. Thank you.
Martin: Hey, make sure you do it well. I'm risking my job.
Cave: Come on...!

Laura: Remember, Cave, observe, observe, observe, always observe.
Cave: Observe...
Well, look! That's an antique! It must cost a fortune.
Laura: Philip worked in the army, in communications.
Cave: Check it out, all its little buttons.
Laura: Touch nothing!
Cave: What are we observing?
Laura: No. Nothing. Nothing.
Look in the closet.
Cave: There's no skeleton here. The only there's is clothes. And, by the way, so badly pressed.
Laura: This is not badly pressed. This was folded and it was hung again.
Cave: How you know?
Laura: When I'm off on weekends with my kids, the first thing I do upon getting to the hotel is to press the clothes that are in the case because it's real folded. Like these ones. Look, there is a suitcase. But can you look and see if there's another one anyplace else?
Cave: Under the bed!
Laura: Clothes that were folded and a suitcase out of its place. Doesn't that tell you anything?
Cave: Yeah, the old man was gonna go on a trip but he thought it over.
Laura: Yeah. And the suitcase, why was it there and not in its place?
Cave: Because someone made sure they unpacked it for him after murdering him so it wasn't known that he was gonna go someplace. You know what I think? Now, it's only an idea but... this man was a radio ham and a soldier, okey, well... he'd discovered... huh... I don't know... a conspiracy and that's why he was killed. Because... he knew too much.
Laura: You're right. He knew too much. But not about a state secret, but about something a lot more neighboring.

Laura: Those are such pretty plants!
Barbie: Thank you. I like gardening a lot.
Laura: Oh! I have it in for it a little. I wash too many chards and peel too many artichokes, I loathe vegetable world. Good heavens! You have a mole.
Barbie: No, I do not have any moles. On being so close to the mountains, some animal always slips in.
Laura: Oh. Would you mind answering me some questions? The barbecue day, Philip didn't try the meat, did he?
Barbie: He drank wine, as everybody, but, as I remember, nothing else. And the wine was mine.
Laura: And who served it?
Barbie: Why do you ask? You may not think some of us killed him, that is absurd.
Laura: We have to consider all the possibilities.
Barbie: But if the wine was poisoned, we all would've gotten sick, wouldn't we?
Laura: Not if the poison was only in one glass.
Barbie: He could also have had the poison before coming to the party.
Laura: That's impossible. The preliminary autopsy reports prove he hadn't eating for hours. That substance is like immediate action, so the only thing we know is that the thing that killed him was at that barbecue. Thank you.
Barbie: Thank you for your help.

Martin: Are you not out there?
Laura: I'd got to fill in some reports and I looked for a little bit of peace.
Martin: I've been thinking that if one of those neighbors murdered the old man during the barbecue, it's gonna be so difficult to prove it, since none of them saw anybody give anything... That's my name!
Laura: Yeah...
Martin: You're writin' somethin' about me?
Laura: Yeah, for the committee. I want to have something in writing in case I think about nothing to say.
Martin: Can I read it?
Laura: Don't even think of it.
Martin: But you're actually gonna read it to a couple of loonies from Internal Affairs, what's it to you if I read it myself?
Laura: Well, so I don't want you to read it. Come on, go. Go!
Martin: But, it's so bad what it says? Huh, let me defend myself.
Laura: You actually know full well what I think about you. You're unbearable and so pigheaded!
Martin: And if that's true, why didn't you ask for a comrade change during these years?
Laura: Well, 'cause I cannot leave you alone. Look, you're actually like a boy! You actually don't even know what you want!
Martin: Well, I always knew but they never paid attention to me.
Laura: Martin! This is how you do, isn't it? Usually, I mean. Did you get along like this with the disciplinary action ones? You're wanting to sweet-talk me into testifying in your favor.
Martin: If you really think I'm doing that, there's no point in writing two hundred pages like that. You ain't know me at all.

Cave: Let's see. Disciplinary actions and reports. Martin Maresca. Here it is. I'm in.
Martin: Good grief! Don't talk like that, it seems we're balling. You sure nobody may catch you?
Cave: It's impossible. I've got a special program. It's impossible that someone follows my trail. Hey, I leave you 'cause you're making me nervous.
Lydia: What are you doing here this late? Shouldn't you be playing video games in your house or whatever you geeks do?
Cave: Well, nothin', I had a bit of work to do but... I'm finishing now...
Lydia: Hey, you know if the sandwich machine has been mended?
Cave: No, no, no, but... take it. Take it, it's... it's vegetable, you want some?
Lydia: No. No, thank you.
Cave: Hey, Lydia, wait! So... so... nothing... I was thinking... do you fancy going for dinner? Huh...? To... know better each other and so... I don't know... You and... and me.
Lydia: Right, Cave. Are my pupils dilated? Do you see a pistol aiming at my head? Because only drugged or threatened to kill me, I'd hang out with you.
Cave: Vincent Cave report, what is this? "After observing Vincent Cave's personal and professional conduct, I would advise that his promotion was refused. He's such a son of a bitch.
Lydia? Huh... nothing, I wanted to give you a report that somebody left for you.
Lydia: Oh. Thank you.

The Operated: Philip was an incredible man, you know? So full of life, of stories to tell.
Laura: I would put most of my neighbors' head into the oven. There's no worse thing than living in a community.
The Operated: I know. But it wasn't our case. We are very few people and get on very well with each other. And Philip wasn't an exception.
Laura: Are you vegetarian? Oh, no. I could not. I love meat.
The Operated: I can tell. Listen, if you're not going to believe what I say to you, I don't know what we're doing here. Besides, you seem to have your own theory regarding what happened to Philip, don't you?
Laura: I just know the day Philip was murdered, he had packed his suitcase. And I'm surprised that, in that development, where you all are such close friends, none of you knew he was going to go on a trip.
The Operated: I am also surprised that he didn't tell anyone.
Laura: Yeah, aren't you? And you don't think that's odd?
The Operated: Well... Philip was a man who spent the nights talking on that amateur radio he had. That was the only odd thing that was in him. So, and now I'd like a lot to go to my house.
Laura: Yeah.
The Operated: Unless you think I'm a suspect of my neighbor's murder, of course.
Laura: But how am I going to think so, for heaven's sake?! Ha, ha, ha, no!

Laura: That girl is more suspicious than a motherfucker. In just ten minutes, she got me to consider her a suspect. She said she used to see Philip Gooding with his radio ham equipment.
Martin: So?
Laura: Philip did not have the radio here, in the living room, downstairs, but in the room upstairs, next to the window.
Martin: Then...?
Laura: Then, the only place where Monica was able to see Gooding is...
Martin: But this is Barbie and Ken's room. So, the horny little neighbor likes visiting the couple's bedroom at nights.
Laura: Yep. Though it doesn't seem important, either, but...
Martin: But it is. It is since the moment I've discovered that Barbie is a nurse. She's got a night shift.
Laura: So besides vegetables, Monica also does married men.
Martin: You think Philip saw them and that's why they killed him?

Laura: Jacob...
Jacob: Laura! What the fuck's wrong with you?
Laura: With me? Nothing. It's you that has a problem with old clothes. The bitches you go to bed with seem to pull off the buttons of your shirts.
Jacob: Hey, I am not going to bed with anyone.
Laura: Oh, having lipstick on your neck is in and I didn't find out.
Jacob: This is just... just looking what it is not.
Laura: But how can you ask me to make up while you get it on the first girl out there that gets in your way?!
Jacob: But I am not with any other girl. I am not!
Laura: And to think that I was swallowing your stories about not asking for the divorce!
Jacob: Hey, look. Laura, don't start your speeches 'cause you always do the same to me! Any excuse is good to crucify me!
Laura: Really? Well, this time, you brought the nails yourself.

Victoria: Now! Hey! Now, let's shut up! Let's shut up now! This is a neighbor meeting, not... not a stag party!
Laura: He's been lying with someone and I didn't even realized.
Marilyn: You could just be as bright at home as you are at the police station, actually.
Laura: I didn't have to come. I'm in the middle of a case.
Neighbor: It actually passed the inspection last week!
Victoria: Now, one moment, one moment! I, as a president, am also united to the payment but the thing is that only one person has to pay those five hundred!
Neighbor: Only one?
Victoria: Certainly!
Neighbor: But motherfucker Casper did that actually!
Victoria: Hey!
Neighbor 2: Or your fucking mother did!
Victoria: We're not talking about Casper, we're talking about Laura!
Laura: Sure, this is the normal thing.
Marilyn: What do you say?
Laura: That people insult and shout at each other, like everybody. Everyone but "Sunny Fields". They're all so polite. I'm sure one is lying. Sure. I'm off.
Victoria: Did she leave? How good.
Marilyn: Oh. If the people are like that now, imagine how they're gonna get when I tell them you smashed the elevator.
Victoria: Don't talk drivel, I already told them the twins had done it.
Marilyn: Every afternoon, you spend so long looking at the hunk from the stairs. You do?
Victoria: What does that have to do with it?
Marilyn: When it broke down, you were near the elevator mopping the stairs, you surely slipped with your saliva, tripped over the bucket and the water blew the elevator.
Victoria: Come on, come on, c'mon! Stop nonsense!
Marilyn: There's a witness that saw it all.
Victoria: Who?
Marilyn: Ishmael. He always sees how you remain out of it looking at him and he saw how you knocked the water bucket over on the elevator.
Victoria: Right, right, right. You may not expect me to pay for the elevator bill if the guilty ones were Laura's kids, may you not?
Marilyn: No. We'll pay it among everybody. What I'm not gonna allow is that you ruin Laura, 'cause she's got enough upon making through the month.

Ken: I'm afraid I'm going to be able to dedicate you only some minutes, you caught us in the worst week ever.
Martin: Did you take care of the alteration of the Sistine Chapel?
Ken: I wish so. This is a plan of a sustainable town. It's self-sufficient in energy and elements.
Martin: It sounds so hippie, doesn't it? Everybody with their orchards...
Laura: Oh, I would love an orchard. Every time I go to the market, they try to swindle me. The other day, for example, I went get some peppers, right? Normal, red, to fry. Well, so they sold me them like they were piquillo ones...
Ken: Sorry, as I said to you, you caught us in the worst week ever.
Laura: We were wondering if you would have known Paul Subik. You know, your builder colleague who disappeared.
Ken: He was not a colleague. He was an environment criminal. He sounded me out to design his mall and I said no. So, now if you'll excuse me.
Martin: We came to ask you about your neighbor's murder. You might understand that, as police officers, we couldn't care less that you're busy with your orchards.
Ken: I sincerely hope you're here to accuse me of the murder. Because if you just came to get up my nose, I think I'll report you.
Martin: Your body must be very in because lately there's someone else that touches it, isn't there?
Laura: What my colleague wants to say so subtly is that we think perhaps your relationship with Philip Gooding wasn't... was not as cordial as it seemed.
Martin: You seem to have a lover that you took to your house and Philip Gooding caught you a week ago, didn't he?
Ken: Here, the most interested one in having a lover is me. That would mean at least I'd spend nights at home.
Laura: And you don't?
Ken: For God's sake, we have to give in this plan at the end of the week. I've been sleeping here for the last fifteen days. But... talk to my wife. She took two weeks off at the hospital. Perhaps she saw my lover over home and she didn't tell me anything.

Barbie: So thanks to you, my husband now knows I cheat on him. It's a relief to know that there's an efficient police thanks to my taxes.
Martin: Actually, we didn't give him as much information as to have his suspicious.
Barbie: The fact is that I don't mind. My husband and I haven't slept together for several months. He should be grateful to me for being using that bed.
Laura: Anyhow, your unfaithfulness here is less important than Philip Gooding's murder.
Martin: He saw you, didn't he? You and Monica together.
Barbie: More than once.
Laura: And he blackmailed them into keeping their mouths closed.
Barbie: No! The old man liked taking a look at it from time to time but... he would never have done anything to upset us. You were coming with the hope to solve the case, weren't you? The unfaithful woman is discovered and she kills her blackmailer. You're not going to find the murderer in this development.
Laura: Who knows? In just two days, we found an adulterer and a few liars.
Barbie: We all have secrets, here and anywhere. That doesn't make us perfect, of course, but it doesn't turn us into murderers either.

Martin: That thing 'bout the nurse that takes other women to her bed, that's a proper couple.
Laura: You're mad.
Jacob: I've been talking on the phone with Felix for one hour, do you wanna know about what?
Martin: 'Bout clothes?
Jacob: About complaints of a neighbor community for police harassment. One of them was accused by you in front of his employes of being unfaithful to his wife.
Martin: What do you want me to say to you? Sometimes if you want apples, you've to shake the tree.
Jacob: It's well-off people in a well-off neighborhood. One of them is a city councilor.
Laura: And one of them killed Philip Gooding. And either the rest don't know or they're harboring the one who did.
Jacob: If you don't have any evidence of that, you have a shit.
Lydia: Then thank me for being here. What killed Gooding wasn't the poison. His heart stopped due to the ingestion of aluminum phosphide.
Laura: Isn't that used for rat poison?
Martin: One of Gooding's neighbors does that. The one we call Músculos.
Laura: Múscu...
Jacob: This is evidence! Good job. Right, go and talk to him, let's see what you get out of him.
Laura: Early tomorrow. I've to pick up the kids 'cause they're with Marilyn.
Jacob: It's you that says you can combine house and work, isn't it? That's why you signed the divorce papers, isn't it?
Laura: If you're gonna get me in trouble, do, but don't involve the kids in this 'cause nothing is their fault.
Jacob: Hey, don't make out I don't care about the kids 'cause they're the best that happened in my life. But this job entails dedication. And if you can't manage it, you'll have to look for another one.

Martin: Cave, I got to go. Swear honestly you deleted the names.
Cave: Yeah. Yeah, yep, I deleted them all, yep. But... I've gotta tell you something, there was a lot of names' printed copies, huh? Yeah, it was her that carried 'em in her purse... How can you be so scumbag?!
Martin: What's wrong with you?
Cave: You asked me not to be promoted! Me! Me! I'm always fucking helpin' ya!
Martin: What are you talkin' about?
Cave: About Mero's report, don't pretend you're silly! I was gonna be promoted but a note of yours advised me to be left in my position, well, they took notice of ya!
Martin: Of course they did! What did you wanna? Spend your life installing antivirus?
Cave: What?
Martin: They wanted to promote you to computing head! I told them to leave you in your position so that you could help us in cases. If they get to do it, the end of street work.
Cave: So... regarding the deletin' the names thing... Define "delete".
Martin: Cave.

Músculos: But how can you accuse me of the murder?
Laura: No! We are not accusing you of anything!
Martin: Yet.
Laura: We're not saying you killed Philip Gooding.
Martin: Yet.
Laura: The only thing we're saying is that you went from being a simple neighbor to being the suspect number one.
Músculos: That's a silly thing. What reasons would I have to kill Philip?
Laura: You were neighbors. What reason would you have not to do it?
Músculos: Well, 'cause Philip was a good guy, 'cause I was the one he got on the best here, 'cause we weren't close friends but, well, we'd a...
Martin: Right, Músculos...
Músculos: Huh?
Martin: Huh... Mr. Smith. You were the only one in Sunny Fields who had access to the substances that killed Gooding.
Músculos: Oh, anyone can have access to aluminum phospide in a drugstore. It's such a common component.
Laura: But it's such a coincidence that you work with it every day, isn't it?
Músculos: No. You know what a coincidence is? That Philip's niece worked for me a couple of months ago.
Laura: What are you saying?
Músculos: Philip asked me to take on her as a personal favor. And after one month, I had to fire her because she stole from me. You want a person with access to the poison? You arrested her already.

Bonnie: I don't mind going to jail. I've already been there. But I don't want to go accused of my uncle's murder.
Martin: Why didn't you tell us you'd worked for one of his neighbors?
Bonnie: I didn't think it was important.
Laura: Is it true you stole from him?
Bonnie: That swine paid a pittance to me. And on top of that, he tried to feel me up as soon as he had the chance.
Laura: Was it only money? Or you took anything else?
Bonnie: They pay a lot of dough for some of the products he had in the warehouse in the black market. Don't know why. But I didn't use it to kill my uncle.
Martin: Even if you had sent the money to missions in Africa, the judge doesn't mind.
Laura: Now you've got the motive, the chance and access to the poison. Bonnie, it's almost midnight, Martin and I are here because we're the only ones that think you're innocent. But we need something else. Anything you can give to us.
Bonnie: I did not do it.

Martin: Don't you think they're getting us in a muddle?
Laura: She's just a kid. Bonnie is not the person we're looking for. It's one of the neighbors.
Martin: Which one?
Laura: I don't know. They all look like suspects.
Martin: Yeah, but none of them has a motive as strong as to kill Gooding. I think we're fishing in the wrong fishbowl.
Laura: One of them lies. One of them poisoned Gooding at the barbecue.
Martin: Or perhaps his niece took advantage of the barbecue to go unnoticed.
Laura: That girl is innocent. I can see it on her face! She adored her uncle!
Martin: Tell the judge. On the one hand, you got a done criminal with access to the poison, and on the other one, a load of people that clean their butt with fifty bills. So, who do you think is gonna be blamed?
Laura: We need more time.
Martin: But Jacob's not gonna give you it, he wants a murderer and he wants it now. And he'd rather the girl be.
Laura: Do I bring you home?
Martin: No, no, huh... I'll stay for a while, I've got to pick up some things.

Martin: Are you goin' now?
Lydia: You're an ace! I'm not surprised you're an inspector!
Martin: You know? I got to think you lived here 'cause I think it's the first time I see you go home.
Lydia: That's because I leave the last one and you the first one. And in the mornings we change the roles.
Martin: That's 'cause we don't know each other enough. We work together but we don't know anything about one another.
Lydia: You and I can't stand each other, how come you're talking to me?
Martin: I thought that... we could find some place to sit down and smooth things over. Or whatever we have to smooth!
Lydia: I've made plans with my DVD player.
Martin: I find it good. Where there's a DVD player, there's a couch.
Lydia: Laura wouldn't like you to come to my house.
Martin: I don't always act according to what she thinks.
Lydia: I'm going to Files. I'll be right back.
Martin: Where the fuck are the staples?

Laura: Are you sure you slept well? You don't look well.
Martin: Yeah. It's to get to these... Happy Fields. It's everything so perfect, with its little houses and its little trees... it's little shits.
Laura: I'd like to see the hole where you live. I never went to your house, Martin, we've been friends for years and you never invite me. Why don't you invite me? Invite me, come off it! Invite me!
Martin: Look, I'm referring to this. They write little sentences and they hang them. "Anyone can buy a good house, but good neighbors are priceless". Take that! To be sick...
Laura: Look! There was an extraordinary meeting on the eighth. Just two days before Philip Gooding died.

Martin: It seems we're catching you only just!
Laura: Hello.
Mr. Roper: I hope you'll have the decency not to accuse me of murder in front of my children.
Mrs. Roper: Hello, good morning.
Laura: Good morning.
Mrs. Roper: Come on.
Laura: We just wanted to ask you about Subik, the missing builder. We're trying to find him. Maybe you can give us some information about his whereabouts.
Mr. Roper: Why would I know anything?
Martin: You stopped the construction of his mall.
Laura: Oh, I would give anything for having one near home. On carryin' the bags around so much, I'm gettin' a hump.
Martin: But you actually don't got a hump!
Laura: I do. Well, not now 'cause I'm goin' straight but me, as normal, I go like this. I do.
Martin: Oh, bloody hell!
Laura: What?
Martin: Hang on.
Laura: Whatcha doing?
Martin: It brings good luck! If I get it, I'll invite you to dinner.
Laura: All right.
Mr. Roper: I saw Subik twice. Later he used the money he had embezzled and split. That is all I know about him.
Martin: Hi.
Kid 1: Hi.
Kid 2: Hi. Are you going to arrest my parents for the dog they run over?
Martin: What dog?
Kid 1: You idiot! Don't tell 'im that.
Martin: No. Tell me it. If you run a dog over, it is okay. I also run over dogs. Even some flies with my car when I get it. Whose was the dog?
Kid 1 and Kid 2: Mr. Gooding's.
Kid 1: They run it over last week on leavin' the garage.
Kid 2: It was such a good dog! It was an accident...
Martin: I'm sure it was.
Mrs. Roper: Kids. On the car.
Laura: What're you doing?
Martin: The kids told me the other day they run over Gooding's dog upon leaving the garage. But I do not see any blood traces. Where're you going?
Laura: It seems that day they left in more rush than usual.
Martin: This is blood? It makes no sense to climb up the sidewalk to maneuver...
Laura: Or the maneuver worked out just like they wanted it to.

Laura: Upon seeing the dog thing, it's related... Hi.
Martin: Kids!
Xavier and Charlie: Uncle Martin, did you bring us something?
Martin: Oh, don't know! Are we gonna play?
Jacob: We were doing homework. As I went pick them up at school.
Laura: Oh, great. Well, you'll see Marilyn 'cause she must have been there for half an hour waiting for them, she'll be delighted.
Jacob: Well, I also came to tell you that the judge has signed the transferal of... of Philip Gooding's niece. Tonight she'll sleep in jail.
Martin: Jacob, we didn't close the investigation yet.
Laura: Jacob, before, you used to care more about people than pieces of evidence. And you used to do very well like that. And now you forget it only because you've a bigger office?
Jacob: Well, the office is bigger because the responsibility also is. And you're wrong, huh? I do care about people. You know what I care about more? Philip Gooding. He is the only victim in all of this. Not his murderer. Nippers! Bye...

Martin: We've to admit that none of the neighbors answer the murderer's profile. The one that has access to the poison has no motive, the one that has a motive has no access to the poison...
Laura: Oh, don't trust profiles that much. Wash this well, come on. What I am surprised about is that builder thing. Subik.
Martin: Subik isn't a way out of it. That guy filled up his pockets and cleared off.
Laura: He and Philip Gooding had to discover something but do you please wanna do the dishes properly?
Martin: I thought it was a pattern of the plate.
Laura: Yeah, in relief, shaped like spam, right? Don't be a slob and do the dishes.
Martin. What I want to is close the case. Your bastard ex is gonna fire me right today. I would like to make a triumphal exit.
Laura: What exit...? You're not goin' anyplace. Tell me.
Cave: Laura? Hi, it's Cave. Hey, you'd best come to the station as soon as possible.
Laura: We're going there.

Laura: You want to pass the poligraph? I didn't know we had one.
Jacob: Yeah, it was just brought from the head office. Lydia is preparing it...
Mr. Roper: We didn't want to have reached this point, inspector, but we think the pressure is being excessive.
Barbie: We don't understand why, having the murderer, you still consider us suspects.
Martin: Listen, the last thing we want to is to be disrespectful to you.
Kid 2: Mom, dad, it's you and the neighbors!
Martin: Believe me, we're acting absolutely professionally.
Mr. Roper: The only thing we want to is to clear your doubts about our involvement in the crime.
Jacob: Yeah, you are conscious of the poligraph isn't definitive.
Mr. Roper: Yes but it will help us when, when we decide to report your police station for abuse of authority.
Lydia: We're ready.
Laura: You can leave your children with agent Cave. I also had to bring mine and they're with him.
Jacob: This way. Come. Please.
Martin: Yesterday I'd got to go...
Lydia: You're down, Maresca. Real down.

Lydia: Your name?
Mr. Roper: Manuel Harris.
Lydia: Profession?
Ken: An architect.
Lydia: Do you maintain any adulterous relationship with any other neighbor of the development?
Barbie: Yes.
Lydia: Did you deliberately kill your dog?
Mrs. Roper: Yes.
Lydia: Why did you do it?
Mr. Roper: It was dangerous. Gooding didn't have it vaccinated. And we were afraid it could bite the kids.
Mrs. Roper: It was excessive, I know. But we were worried about our children.
Lydia: Did Mr. Gooding ever discover it?
The Operated: Philip saw us together but... he never threatened to say anything.
Lydia: Did Philip Gooding and you ever argue?
Músculos: I never had a brush with him. When I told him I had dismissed his niece, he understood.
Lydia: Did you kill Philip Gooding?
Mrs. Roper: No.
The Operated: No.
Ken: No.
Barbie: No.
Músculos: No.
Mr. Roper: No.

Lydia: They're telling the truth. They didn't lie even one single time.
Laura: Jacob, the poligraph isn't infallible.
Lydia: There's supposed to be ten people in the USA capable of deceiving the poligraph and you want to make us believe that one of them lives in that development.
Laura: I'm just saying those pieces of junk aren't reliable one hundred per cent!
Lydia: What isn't reliable is your intuition. You're a police officer, not a cheap novel detective.
Jacob: Hey, right, it's enough, huh?
Lydia: No, no, it's not enough. I don't know why we've got to trust these two in order to do real police job.
Martin: Why do you not take the poligraph and stick it up your ass?
Jacob: Hey, stop it now! Now, we have a closed case. We have the murderer. And tomorrow she'll be in front of the judge. What're you looking at?

Laura: Tell me.
Cave: Hey, are you gonna... Hey, pass me... Yeah, yep, I'm still here with your kids... You said you'd be back in fifteen minutes and it's gonna be one hour now! Besides, Jacob wants to talk to you.
Laura: I'm coming there...

Laura: Cave told me you wanted to... What are you doing?
Jacob: Well, use this gadget before it's taken away. Put yourself there and keep watch.
Laura: What is this about, Jacob?
Jacob: Well, you think I've been a slob and... I wanna change that.
Laura: Don't talk nonsense, Jacob.
Jacob: Laura, being married to you is the best that ever happened to me and I'll do whatever so that it isn't over. I wanna convince you that I'm telling the truth. Okay?
Laura: Well, okay.
Jacob: Hit... enter.
Laura: Huh?
Jacob: The enter. The enter key. Ready.
Laura: Name?
Jacob: Huh... Jacob Salgado.
Laura: Occupation?
Jacob: Police captain... huh, leader inspector.
Laura: Did you ever cheated on me while we were married?
Jacob: No. Hey, Laura, it's about you to ask me about the inside, about what I feel, okay?
Laura: Here I ask the questions myself, don't I?
Jacob: Good.
Laura: Did you go to bed with anyone after we separated?
Jacob: Laura, please, what you gotta ask me...!
Laura: Were you with anyone after we separated?
Jacob: No.
Laura: You bastard.
Jacob: Hey, hey, wait, please! One last question before you go, please! Ask me if you're what I ever loved the most.
Laura: Did you set up the Martin's hearing thing for jealousy?
Jacob: Laura...

Marilyn: I found them like this.
Laura: But what did you do?
Xavier: We were playing with the other kids.
Charlie: They taught us to play Russian roulette.
Laura: Russian roulette? Very good.
Charlie: It's played with a tray and it's... spun, they played it at the barbecue an' who loses gets the face painted.
Xavier: Are we not gonna get a barbecue?
Laura: You kids already made one when you burned the living room drapes. Oh! Bye!
Xavier, Charlie and Marilyn: Bye!
Martin: How you doing?
Laura: Marvelously. I'm gonna convince them so that you stay.
Martin: It'd be bad if the committee ones didn't understand me. They also like women.

Laura: Hello.
Committee woman 1: We've called you because your testimony is crucial in the disciplinary action opened against Martin Maresca.
Laura: Yes. I wanted to tell you about the disciplinary action. I had written some lines but... I been looking for them and I think I left them at home.
Committee woman 1: And was it important to the case?
Laura: In them, I talked about Martin, about what a good comrade he is.
Committee woman 1: And what about those women who he had relations with?
Laura: Oh! Actually it was only one.
Committee woman 1: One.
Laura: And me, by myself, like that, on my own, I didn't see anything, either.
Committee woman 1: Haven't you seen the imputation list?
Laura: No. But... what is this?
Committee woman 1: A list of women with whom Inspector Maresca had relations during the course of opened investigations.
Laura: All of these? No, it can't be. There has to be a mistake.
Committee woman 1: A lot of them has confirmed it.
Laura: Oh, gosh! But... I actually told him loads of times, huh? Martin, discipline. Martin, you're gonna get yourself into trouble, but nothin'! Nothing! He's that way! He likes better a girl than a fool likes a candy. But... on the other hand, his professional work is amazing.
Committee woman 1: For the time being, we already heard all we needed to. You can leave.
Laura: It's been well, hasn't it?

Laura: "I have to say some words about Martin, but instead of talking about what he symbolized to me for all these years, I prefer to say what is going to mean not to have him by my side if these judges open a file on him. In that case, I would lose the best comrade I have had during all my professional practice, someone loyal, not only in but out of the job, someone who always helped me. I sincerely think that I would not keep being a police officer if I had had another person by my side."


Mr. Gooding: Help... help...
Phone: I can't understand what you're saying. Do you hear me? Sir! Do you hear me? If it's an emergency, we'll send a unit to the address which appears on screen. Do you hea...?

Good afternoon, police, what may I help you in?
Mr. Gooding: Help... help...
Phone: I can't understand what you're saying. Do you hear me? Sir! Do you hear me? If it's an emergency, we'll send a unit to the address which appears on screen.

Mr. Gooding: Help... help...
Phone: I can't understand what you're saying. Do you hear me? Sir! Do you hear me? If it's an emergency, we'll send a unit to the address which appears on screen. Do you hear me?
Martin: This time, I'll kill ya. It's five in the morning...
Laura: Martin! We got to be early tomorrow in the development.
Martin: The case is closed!
Laura: Not yet. I think I know who killed Philip Gooding.

Mr. Roper: I hope you'll have a good reason to come and disturb us.
Laura: The fault is mine. Last night I couldn't fall asleep. It already happens to me as usual. And look, I did try everything.
The Operated: Did you try Merival? It's a mixing of lemon balm and valerian.
Laura: Wow, that's good! And how do you say it's called...?
Jacob: Inspector!
Laura: As I was telling you, I couldn't fall asleep. I suspected that one of you had murdered him and that Subik's disappearance had to do with it. And then, I saw it clear. Look! Look there! That was what started everything.
The Operated: But there's actually nothing there, it's just the landscape.
Laura: Exactly! But some months ago, what there was gonna be there was a mall.
Martin: You know, a hideous building. Full of movie theaters, of stores and of cars that would turn this  paradise into a housing estate.
Ken: And we're delighted the builder cleared off.
Laura: I do not think he did. In fact, I think he came right here. To talk to you.
Mr. Roper: But what are you saying?
Jacob: In fact, you stopped the mall construction. But Subik was able to bribe the right people and he got his own way.
Laura: And you could not allow it and killed him.
Mrs. Roper: Oh.
Mr. Roper: I'd like to see how you demonstrate that before some judges.
Laura: Exactly. Someone already demonstrated it for us.
Músculos: Oh, sure...
Laura: Maybe you do not know it but this little one here is a terrier. And you know what terriers are good at? Digging.
Barbie: And what was it supposed to dig?
Jacob: The place where the builder was buried, Subik.
Laura: You could not risk him being found, so you buried him far away.
The Operated: Oh!
Laura: It's, it's funny that you pretend to be surprised when the city councilor wasn't the only culprit. Someone helped him.
The Operated: Who?
Laura: All of you, of course! You did not want the mall here! So the only way to get it was get rid of that man.
Jacob: You took the chance he had committed an embezzlement and that gave you the perfect excuse to make up he'd escaped from the country with the stolen money.
Laura: Sadly, the only neighbor of that all that didn't take part was the last neighbor to arrive in the development.
Martin: But his dog did discover it. And before it could dig up the corps, it had a tragic accident.
Laura: And Philip ended up discovering it, too. And he was so scared that he packed his cases to get away from here.
Martin: And that way, he signed his death sentence.
Jacob: Yeah, generally, extraordinary meetings are called when there's some unforeseen problem, aren't they? And Philip was that to you. So, as you're so civilized, you called a meeting to plan the crime.
Laura: You needed an excuse to get rid of him. And you found the ideal atmosphere.
Martin: As the barbecue was a trick, a vegetarian wouldn't mind taking part.
Laura: After all, you all were watching Philip more than the details to make that meeting plausible.
Martin: And so nobody suspected his departure, he took part in the barbecue. By sheer courtesy.
Laura: And then, he drank the poisoned wine and he was the only one who did. And then, the question came up. If you all had killed Philip, how did you manage to deceive the poligraph? The answer was simple. You hadn't deceived it, you were telling the truth! None of you had killed Philip.
Barbie: So what are you accusing us of?
Laura: None of you thought you'd killed Philip. You all took a glass, five of them contained water and only one the poison that would put an end to his life. You all emptied the glass in the wine without anyone knowing who was giving the poison. That's why you called that game, the Russian roulette. This way, you all answered what you really thought: that none of you had poisoned him.
Mr. Roper: I remind you that you have no evidence of that.
Jacob: You're wrong, city councilor. We've the builder corpse.
Martin: Philip told us where he was buried. He did the evening of his death.
Jacob: Our technicians isolated the different sounds which appear in this recording. You can hear... Philip's voice, the police's voice and...
Laura: And a third sound. At first, we thought it was the spasms caused by the poison.
Martin: Until we knew Mr. Músculos's chemical products didn't cause that effect.
Laura: Conclusion, they were not involuntary movements. They were voluntary. It was Morse code!
Martin: A language Philip had a perfect command of from his years as a communication technician in the army.
Laura: Philip left us the four words which you might imagine.
Jacob: "Corpse under the General".
Mr. Roper: Can you see that olive tree there? We call it "The General". It symbolizes our concern for the environment.
Laura: The tree which is the symbol of this development and which turned into the builder's grave that night.
Martin: It's a pity that some of you didn't kill anyone and are going to pay equally.
Jacob: Unless one of you wants to collaborate with us in exchange for a sentence reduction. I am sure the judge will agree to the deal.
The Operated: It was all his idea.
Mrs. Roper: Shut up!
The Operated: He killed the builder! He forced us all to help him!
Músculos: I am innocent!
Mr. Roper: What you are is a coward!
Ken: And you son of a bitch!
Barbie: What we have to do is call a lawyer!
The Operated: Please...
Laura: Now, this is a proper community.

Bonnie: Everything's done already?
Martin: When you sell the house, you'll have money enough not to make police run.
Laura: Besides, you're gonna be a mom, in seven months you won't even be able to leave the sofa on your own.
Bonnie: I guess it's never late to change. Thank you so much.
Martin: When you buy a house, you buy the neighbors. It's a pity nobody told Philip these guys are a bunch of psychopaths.

Cave: Haven't they been in there for too long?
Laura: Yeah... It's been an hour that the hearing had to have ended.
Cave: So, between the ones from the committee and Jacob, they got to be tearing him to pieces so much.
Laura: What happened?
Martin: The committee girls asked for my head.
Laura: Shit.
Martin: And then, your ex-husband came in and saved my ass.
Laura: What?
Martin: He came in and said I'm one of the most brilliant agents that this station has and... my dismissal would be an enormous mistake.
Laura: Jacob said that?
Martin: Yeah. I could not believe it, either. Yeah, he was singin' my praises for a while... and in the end he said he needs me here. What's got into him?
Jacob: Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

Laura: How's school doing?
Charlie: Fine.
Laura: Where's dad? Didn't he bring you?
Xavier: No, he left us in the doorway.
Laura: In the doorway? Was he annoyed?
Xavier: He was happy.
Charlie: He gave us a kiss for you.
Laura: Happy.
Marilyn: Hi.
Charlie: Hi.
Marilyn: Hi, hi, hi. Oh! Give me that! Let go of it! Let go... No, no! Let go! Let... Okay. One time it gets by, okay? But if you smash the elevator again, there's gonna be no-one to save your ass. C'mon, play. So what? Good news? Well, one less problem.
Laura: This is so weird, huh? I've been waiting for this for a long time. And now that I've got it, I don't know if I want it.
Marilyn: What you have to do now is to take care of your kids. And of yourself.

Despicable Me

Inglés-Español

Despicable Me

El Despreciable de Mí

Pastor: ¡Ah!

Mamá turista: ¡Justino!

Papá turista: ¡Rápido, cariño, sácame la foto! ¡Tengo la pirámide en mi mano!

Mamá turista: ¡Justino, tú vuelve aquí ahora mismo!

Guardia de seguridad 1: ¡No, detente!

¡No... detente! ¡No vayas a cruzar la línea! ¡No!

Guardia de seguridad 2: ¡Vuelve! ¡Detente! ¡Deténganlo!

¡Espera, espera, espera, espera! Aguanta, con calma, pequeñín.

Guardia de seguridad 1: ¡Vale, detente, niño! ¡Párate ahí mismo!

¡No!

Guardia de seguridad 2: ¡Oh, no, no, no, no, no! ... Oh... allá va.

Turista mamá: ¡¡Justino!!

¡Lo tengo, lo tengo!

Locutor: Atrocidad en Egipto esta noche ya que se descubrió que la la Gran Pirámide de Giza había sido robada y reemplazada por una gigante réplica hinchable.

Hay pánico por todo el globo mientras los países y los ciudadanos intentan proteger sus queridos lugares tan conocidos.

Las autoridades todavía no tienen pistas, dejando a todo el mundo preguntándose: ¿cuál de los villanos del mundo es responsable de este abyecto crimen? ¿Y dónde atacará ahora?

Gru: ¡Rayo de Congelación, Rayo de Congelación, Rayo de Congelación!

Sr. Mínguez: ¡Buenos días, Gru! ¿Qué tal?

Gru: Hola, Federico. Que sepas que... tu perro has estado dejando pequeñas bombas por todo mi jardín, y no lo agradezco.

Sr. Mínguez: Perdón. Ya conoces a los perros, van donde quieran ir.

Gru: A menos que estén muertos. Solo bromeo, por supuesto. Aunque es verdad. De todas maneras, ¡que te vaya bien!

Sr. Mínguez: Ah, vale. Ah, sí, mmm...

Gru: ¡Oh, tienen el don de la oportunidad!

Margo: ¿Hola? ¡Se venden galletas!

Gru: Iros. No estoy en casa.

Margo: Sí que estás, te he oído.

Gru: No, no lo has hecho... esto... es una grabación.

Margo: No, no lo es.

Gru: Sí que lo es. Observa esto: "Deje un mensaje... bip".

Inés: ¡Adiós, mensaje grabado!

Margo: ¡Inés, vamos!

Gru: ¡Claudio! ¡Perro malo! ¡No, no, no! ¡Siéntate! ¡Mi mollete!

Dr. Nefario: Gru.

Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario.

Dr. Nefario: Sé cómo te debes estar sintiendo. Yo también he sufrido gran decepción. Pero a mis ojos, tú siempre serás uno de los grandes.

Gru: ¿Qué? ¿Qué ha pasado?

Dr. Nefario: Está por todas las noticias. Algún cuate recién robó una pirámide. Están diciendo que hace parecer a todos los otros villanos... pobres.
Gru: Reúne a los adláteres.
¡Subalternos, reuníos!
¡Qué bien estás, Kevin!
¿Cómo está la familia? ¿Bien? De acuerdo.
¡Ése es mi chico Guille!
¿Qué hay, Lorenzo?
Hola a todo el mundo. ¡De acuerdo!
Tranquilizaos. ¡Tranquilizaos!
Gracias, vale.
Ahora me doy cuenta de que probablemente vosotros hayáis oído de este otro villano que ha robado la pirámide. Aparentemente es una pasada... la gente lo está llamando el crimen del siglo y cosas así.
Pero, ¿estoy disgustado? ¡No! No lo estoy. Un poco. Pero, hemos tenido un año bastante bueno nosotros. ¡Y vosotros, chicos, estáis seguro en mi libro!
¡No, sin subidas de sueldo! No vias a conseguir aumentos.
¿Qué hicimos? Pues, ¡robamos la Pantalla Gigante de Times Square!
Bonita, ¿eh? ¡Así es cómo molo! ¡Sí, a todos os gusta ver el fútbol en eso, ¿eh?!
¡Pero eso no es todo! ¡Robamos la Estatua de la Libertad!
La pequeña de Las Vegas. ¡Y ni siquiera mencionaré la Torre Eiffel!
... También de Las Vegas.
Vale, no iba a hablaros sobre esto todavía, pero yo he estado trabajando en algo muy grande. ¡Algo que dejará esto de la pirámide como agua pasada! Y gracias a los esfuerzos de mi buen amigo el Dr. Nefario...
Dr. Nefario: Gracias, gracias.
Gru: Oh, sí, ahí está. Qué estilo tiene.
A ver, hemos localizado un rayo para reducir en un laboratorio secreto. Y una vez que cojamos el rayo para reducir, ¡nosotros tendremos la capacidad para conseguir el verdadero Crimen del Siglo! Nosotros vamos a robar...
¡Esperad... esperad! ¡Todavía no os he dicho lo que es!
Oye, David. ¡Escucha, por favor!
Ahora, nosotros vamos a robar... pausa para efecto... ¡la luna!
Y una vez que la luna sea mía, ¡el mundo me dará lo que yo quiera para recuperarla! Y yo seré el mayor villano de todos los tiempos. ¡De eso es de lo que os hablo!
¿Sí?
Dr. Nefario: Hola, Gru. He estado haciendo algunos cálculos y de verdad que no veo cómo podemos permitirnos esto. No se puede hacer. No soy un trabajador milagroso.
Gru: Oye... relax. Simplemente obtendré otro préstamo del banco. ¡Me aman!

Margo: ¡Oh, Edith! ¡Ya basta!
Edith: ¿Qué? Solo estoy andando.
Margo, Edith e Inés: Hola, señorita Jódar. Hemos vuelto.
Srta. Jódar: Hola, niñas.
Inés: ¿Alguien venió a adoptarnos mientras estábamos fuera?
Srta. Jódar: Mmmm, déjame pensar. No.
¡Edith! ¿Qué has puesto en mi escritorio?
Edith: Una tarta de helado y galletas de chocolate.
Srta. Jódar: Nunca te van a adoptar, Edith. Eso lo sabes, ¿no?
Edith: Sí, lo sé.
Srta. Jódar: Bien.
Bueno, ¿cómo ha ido, chicas? ¿Hemos cumplido con nuestra parte?
Margo: Em, algo. Hemos vendido cuarenta y tres tocinos de cielo, treinta ensaimadas y dieciocho pasteles de coco.
Srta. Jódar: Vale, pues, decís que como es un día genial de venta.
¡¡Mirad mi cara!! ¡¿Aún pensáis que es un día genial de ventas?!
Dieciocho pasteles de coco... creo que podemos hacerlo un poco mejor que eso, ¿no? Sí, no querríamos pasar la semana en la Caja de la Vergüenza, ¿verdad? No.
Margo, Edith e Inés: No, señorita Jódar.
Srta. Jódar: Vale. Bien. ¡Marchaos! Id a limpiar algo mío.
Margo, Edith e Inés: Hola, Penélope.
Penélope: Hola, chicas.

Gru: Hola, mamá. Perdón, iba a llamar, pero...
Madre de Gru: Solo quería felicitarte por robar la pirámide. Ése fuiste tú, ¿no? ¿O fue un villano que tiene éxito en realidad?
Gru: Solo para que lo sepas, mamá, yo estoy a punto de hacer algo muy, muy grande. Muy importante. Cuando lo oigas, vas a estar muy orgullosa.
Madre de Gru: Ja. Buena suerte con eso. De acuerdo, te dejo.

Gru: Gru para ver al señor Perera.
Recepcionista: Sí, por favor, tome asiento.
Neil Armstrong: Es un pequeño paso para el hombre... un gran salto para la humanidad.
Gru: ¡Mamá, algún día voy a ir a la luna!
Madre de Gru: Me temo que llegas demasiado tarde, hijo. La NASA ya no va a enviar monos.
Vector: Ey.
Voy a solicitar un nuevo préstamo de villano. Va con el nombre de "Vector".
Es un término matemático. ¡Una cantidad representada por una flecha con dirección y magnitud!
Vector. Ése soy yo. Porque cometo crímenes con dirección y magnitud. ¡Oh, sí!
Comprueba mi nueva arma. ¡Pistola Piraña! ¡Oh, sí! Fuegos encendidos con pirañas. ¿Ha' visto alguna vez una antes? No, no la has visto... Yo la he inventado. ¿Quieres una demostración?
Oh... ah... mecachis. Qué difícil a veces devolver la piraña dentro de mi...
Recepcionista: ¿Señor Gru? El señor Perera le atenderá ya.

Gru: ... Así que todo lo que necesito es dinero del banco para construir un cohete, y luego la luna... es nuestra.
Sr. Perera: Vaya. Pues, muy buena presentación. Me gustaría ver este rayo para encoger.
Gru: Desde luego. Verá. Cuanto lo tenga.
Sr. Perera: ¿No lo tienes? Y todavía tú tienes la audacia de pedirle al banco dinero.
Gru: Al parecer.
Sr. Perera: ¿Tienes idea del capital que este banco ha invertido en ti, Gru? Con demasiado pocos de tus "conspiraciones siniestras" volviéndose en realidad en ganancias?
¿Cómo puedo decirlo?
Digamos que esta manzana eres tú. Si no empezamos a recuperar nuestro dinero...
¿Coges la imagen?
Mira, Gru, lo que pasa es que hay muchos villanos nuevos ahí fuera. Más jóvenes que tú. Más hambrientos que tú. Más jóvenes que tú. Como ese hombre de ahí fuera llamado Vector. Acaba de robar la pirámide.
Gru: Lo cojo. Lo cojo. Em, así que... con respecto a conseguir dinero para el cohete.
Sr. Perera: Consigue el Rayo para Encoger. Entonces hablaremos.

Subalterno: ¡Imbéciles!
Imbéciles.
Gru: ¡Ja, ja! ¡Lo tenemos!
¿Qué? ¡Oye, oye! ¿Qué? ¡No, no, no, no!
¡Tú!
Vector: ¡Ja, ja, ja, ja! Ahora quizá te lo pienses dos veces antes de congelar la cabeza de alguien! ¡Hasta la vista, Gru!
Gru: ¡Rápido! ¡No podemos dejar que se escape!
Subalterno: ¡Yuhu!
Gru: Hacia delante, hacia delante. ¡Dispara! Dispárale ahora.
Vector: Ups, no me has dado.
Gru: Ven con papa.
Vector: Toma ésa. Qué adorable.
Gru: Tenemos la mira puesta en ti. Como quitarle un caramelo a un... ¡¿qué?!
Vector: ¡Ja! ¡Oye, Gru, pruébate esto por tamaño!
Gru: Qué raro. ¿Qué está pasando?
Esto es claustrofóbico. Oh, no, no.
Demasiado pequeño. Esto es demasiado pequeño para mí.
Ah, odio a ese tipo.

Margo: ... y por favor, vela por nosotras y bendice que tengamos un sueño de buenas noches...
Edith: ... y bendice que mientras estemos durmiendo, los bichos no se arrastren hasta nuestras orejas y pongan huevos en nuestros cerebros...
Margo: Genial. Gracias por esa imagen, Edith.
Inés: ... y por favor, bendice que alguien nos adopte pronto... y que la mami y el papi sean buenos... y que tengan un unicornio de mascota. Amén.
Margo y Edith: Amén.
Inés: Quiero uno, me encantan.
Quiero uno, me encantan.
Los uni, unicornios, me encantan.
Los quiero mimar, unicornios.
Si fueran de verdad.
¡Que lo son!
Me compraré uno algún día.
Y me quiere, y lo quiero.
La, la, la, la, la.

Gru: Oh, buena suerte, niñitas.
Edith: Oh. Guay.
Margo: Ah, hola. Somos huérfanas del Hogar para Chicas de la Señorita Jódar...
Vector: Me da igual. Largaos.
Margo: Venga, estamos vendiendo galletas para, ya sabe, ¡poder tener un futuro mejor!
Vector: Oh, esperad, esperad... Em, ¿tenéis galletitas de coco?
Margo: Ah, sí.
Gru: Bombilla.
¿Doctor Nefario?
Dr. Nefario: ¿Eh?
Gru: Voy a necesitar una doce de robots diminutos teledirigidos que parezcan galletas.
Dr. Nefario: ¿Qué?
Gru: ¡Robots de galletas!
Dr. Nefario: ¿Quién es ése?
Gru: Galletas, oh, olvídalo.

Srta. Jódar: Bueno, parece que le ha dado el visto bueno a nuestra revisión de fondo, Doctor Gru.
Oh, y veo que ha hecho una lista de algunos de sus logros personales. Gracias por eso; me encanta leer.
Y veo que le han dado la medalla de honor... y un título de sir.
Tuvo su propio... programa de cocina y puede contener la respiración durante treinta segundos. Eso no es tan admirable.
¿Qué diablos...? ¿Qué?
Gru: Pues, éstas son las circunstancietion. Las cosas han sido muy solitarias desde que mi mujer... Delia falleció.
Es como si mi corazón fuera un diente, y tuviera una caries que sólo pudiera ser empastada por niños. Lo siento.
Usted es una mujer hermosa. ¿Habla inglés?
Srta. Jódar: ¿Parezco que hablo inglés?
Gru: Usted tiene una cara like a donkey.
Srta. Jódar: Oh, pues, gracias.
Gru: De todas maneras, ¿podemos proceder con esta adopción? Muy, muy emocionado.
Srta. Jódar: Por favor, dígales a Margo, Edith e Inés que vengan al vestíbulo.
Edith e Inés: ¡¡Ah!!
Margo: ¡Apuesto a que la mamá es preciosa!
Edith: Apuesto a que a papá le brillan los ojos.
Inés: ¡Apuesto a que su casa está hecha de ositos de chicle!
Solo digo que sería bueno.
Oh. Mi oruga nunca se convirtió en una mariposa.
Edith: Eso es un Cheeto.
Inés: Ah.
Srta. Jódar: Oh, pues Delia era una mujer con mucha suerte.
Gru: ¿Quién es Delia?
Srta. Jódar: ¡Su mujer! Oh, hola, chicas.
Chicas, quiero que conozcáis al señor Gru. Va a adoptaros. ¡Y es dentista!
Margo: Eh, hola. Soy Margo. Ésta es Edith.
Ésa es Inés.
Inés: Tengo tu pierna, tengo tu pierna.
Gru: Vale, ya es suficiente, niñita. Suelta mi pierna. Venga. Tú puedes hacerlo. Simplemente suéltala. ¡Vaya!
Inés: ¡Más alto! ¡Más alto!
Gru: ¿Tú cómo las eliminas? ¿Hay un comando? ¿Algún espray no-adherible? ¿Palanca? Vale, chicas: ¡vámonos!

Vector: Bastante admirable. ¿Qué estás mirando? ¡Bu ya!
¡Te encogiste, minúsculo enjuague bucal!
Toma ésa.
¡Ya estás bien encogido!
¿Quién? Oh, tengo el rayo para encoger, de acuerdo. No, no estoy jugando con él. ¿Gru? No me haga reír. No.
Postdata: él no va a conseguir la luna y post-postdata, para cuando haya acabado con él, ¡va a estar suplicando clemencia!
Vale, adiós.
Oh, mírate; un diminuto vatercito para un diminuto bebito que...
¡Ah! ¡Maldito seas, vatercito!

Gru: Vale. Aquí estamos: hogar, dulce hogar.
Margo: ¿Así que ésta es, o sea, tu casa? Espera un segundo. Tú eres el tipo que fingió ser un mensaje grabado.
Gru: No, ése era otro.
Inés: ¿Me puedes dar la mano?
Gru: Eh, no.
Edith: Cuando nos adoptó un calvo, pensaba que esto sería más como en "Annie".
Gru: ¡No, oye...!
Claudio. Éstas no son amenazas. Éstas son invitadas.
Chicas, éste es Claudio, mi... perro.
Inés: ¡Uh, perro suave y esponjoso!
Oh.
Margo: ¿Qué tipo de perro es ése?
Gru: Es, eh... no lo sé.
Margo: ¿De verdad crees que éste es un lugar apropiado para niñas pequeñas? Porque, eh, no lo es.
Gru: ¡No, no! ¡No os acerquéis a ahí! ¡Es frágil!
Bueno, supongo que el plan funcionará con dos.
Edith: ¡Oye! ¡Aquí dentro está oscuro!
Le ha hecho un agujero a mi caja de zumo.
Gru: Como podéis ver, he proporcionado todo lo que un niño pudiese necesitar.
Ahora tengo... ¡oye!
Edith: Alguien ha roto eso.
Gru: Vale, vale, claramente necesitamos establecer algunas reglas. Regla número uno: no tocaréis nada.
Margo: ¿Y el suelo?
Gru: Sí, podréis tocar el suelo.
Margo: ¿Y el aire?
Gru: Sí, podréis tocar el aire.
Edith: ¿Y esto?
Gru: ¡Ah! ¿Dónde has cogido eso?
Edith: Lo he encontrao'.
Gru: Vale, regla número dos: no me molestaréis mientras estoy trabajando. Regla número tres: no lloraréis ni lloriquearéis ni reiréis ni carcajearéis ni estornudaréis ni eructaréis ni os tiraréis pedos. Así que ningún, ningún, ningún sonido molesto. ¿De acuerdo?
Inés: ¿Esto cuenta como molesto?
Gru: Mucho.
Yo os veré en seis horas.
Margo: Vale, no os preocupéis, todo va a salir muy bien. Vamos a ser muy felices aquí. ¿Verdad, Inés?
Inés: ¿Mmm?
Gru: Eh, pregunta. ¿Qué es esto?
Dr. Nefario: Una docena de robots con chaqueta. ¡Bailen! ¡Ja, ja! ¡Mira esto! Obsérvame.
Gru: ¡Robots de galletas! ¡Dije robots de galletas! ¿Por qué... eres tan viejo?
Dr. Nefario: Bien, estoy en ello.
Inés: ¡Tele!
Margo: ¿Qué es eso?
Edith: ¡Vaya, eso es guay!
Inés: No creo que sea dentista.
Dr. Nefario: Llevamos trabajando en esto un rato. Es un suero anti-gravedad.
Tenía la intención de cerrar eso. Estará bien, estoy seguro.
Gru: ¿Se pasan los efectos?
Dr. Nefario: Eh... hasta ahora... no. No, no se pasan.
Y aquí, por supuesto, está la nueva arma que pediste.
Gru: No, no, no. Yo dije 'pistola del miedo'. No... vale.
Dr. Nefario: Oh, sí. Porque me estaba preguntando bajo qué circunstancias usaríamos esto, pero de todos modos...
Lo que de verdad quería mostrarte es esto.
Gru: ¡Vale, ésos son robots de galletas!
Inés: La, la, la, la. Los quiero mimar, unicornios. Si fueran de verdad, ¡que lo son!
Gru: ¿Qué estáis haciendo aquí? ¡Os dije que os quedarais en la cocina!
Margo: Nos aburríamos. ¿Qué es este lugar?
Gru: Eh...
Edith: ¿Puedo beberme esto?
Dr. Nefario: ¿Quieres explotar?
¡Ah! ¡Gru!
Gru: ¡Volved a la cocina!
Inés: ¿Jugarás con nosotros?
Gru: No.
Inés: ¿Por qué?
Gru: Porque estoy ocupado.
Margo: ¿Haciendo qué?
Gru: Em... vale, vale, me habéis pillado. Lo del dentista es más un hobby. En la vida real, yo soy un espía, y es top secret y vosotras no podréis decírselo a nadie porque si lo hacéis...
Edith: ¿Qué hace esto?
Ups.
Inés: ¡Mi unicornio! ¡Tienes que arreglarlo!
Gru: ¿Arreglarlo? Mira, ¡ha sido desintegrado! Por definición, no puede ser arreglado.
Me está asustando. ¿Qué está haciendo?
Margo: Va a aguantar la respiración hasta que consigue uno nuevo.
Gru: Solo es un juguete. ¡Ahora para!
¡Vale! ¡Vale! ¡Te lo arreglo!
¡Tim, Marcos, Felipe!
¡Esto es muy importante! ¡Tenéis que conseguirle a la niñita un nuevo unicornio de juguete!
¡Oye, oye, oye! ¡Un juguete! ¡Vamos! Y daos prisa.
Margo: ¿Qué son ésos?
Gru: Ellos son mis... primos. ¡Jaime, Sergio!
Vigiladlas y que no se me acerquen a mí, por favor.

Edith: Ha sido idea de tu primo.
Subalterno: ¡¿Ca?!
Gru: ¡Vale, hora de acostarse!
Margo, Edith e Inés: Oh.
Jaime y Sergio: Oh.
Gru: ¡Para vosotros no!
Jaime y Sergio: ¡Bien!
Gru: Okey, vale, buenas nochecitas. Todas arropadas. Dulces sueños.
Margo: Solo para que lo sepas, tú nunca vas a ser mi padre.
Gru: Creo que puedo vivir con eso.
Edith: ¿Estas camas están hechas de bombas?
Gru: Sí, pero son muy viejas y es muy poco probable que estallen. Pero intenta no dar vueltas.
Edith: Guay.
Inés: ¿Nos lees un cuento para acostarnos?
Gru: No.
Inés: Pero no nos podemos ir a dormir sin un cuento para acostarnos.
Gru: Pues entonces va a ser una noche larga para vosotras, ¿no?
Así que buenas noches, que soñéis con los angelitos, no dejéis que os muerdan los bichitos. Porque hay literalmente miles de ellos.
Ah, y probablemente hay algo en vuestro armario.
Margo: Solo está bromeando, Inés.
Inés: Es precioso.

Gru: ¡Chicas! ¡Vamos! ¡Hora de repartir las galletas!
Margo: Vale, pero primero vamos a ir a clase de danza.
Gru: En realidad, vamos a tener que faltar a la clase de danza hoy.
Margo: En realidad, no podemos faltar a la clase de danza hoy. Tenemos un gran recital próximamente.  Estamos haciendo un pasaje de "El Lago de los Cisnes".
Inés: Sí, "El Lago de los Cines".
Gru: Eso es fantástico, maravilloso. Pero iremos a repartir galletas. Venga.
Margo: No.
Gru: ¿No?
Margo: No vamos a repartir galletas hasta que terminemos la clase de danza.
Gru: Pues, yo no os voy a llevar en coche a clase de danza, así que si queréis ir vais a tener que ir andando vosotras.
¿Qué estáis haciendo?
Margo: Yendo a clase de danza.
Gru: Sí... vale, muy bien. Vosotras simplemente seguid andando porque yo sí que no os llevo en coche.
Margo: ¡Vale!
Gru: ¡Vais a sufrir la ira de Gru! ¡En serio, voy a contar hasta tres, y será mejor que estéis en este coche!
¡Allá voy! ¡Uno... dos...!
Profesora de danza: Tres... y cuatro... y cinco y levantaos... y estiraos.
Inés: Toma.
Gru: ¿Qué es esto?
Inés: Tu entrada para el recital de danza. Vienes, ¿verdad?
Gru: Por supuesto, por supuesto. Tengo un hormigueo que no me lo retengo.
Inés: ¿Promesa de meñique?
Gru: Oh, sí, mi meñique lo promete.
Inés: ¡Ah!

Gru: De acuerdo, nuestro primer cliente es un hombre llamada Vector.
Margo: Pero es una uve. Ya sabes, deberíamos empezar con las as, luego vamos a las bes, luego vamos a las...
Gru: Sí, sí, fui al jardín de infancia, ¡ya sé cómo funciona el alfabeto! Yo, yo solo pensaba que podría ser bueno repartirle primero al Sr. Vector, eso es todo.
Casi ha acabado... casi ha acabado.
Vector: Ah, chicas, me alegro de que hayáis vuelto a la Fortaleza de las Vectorturas. ¿Tenéis mis galletas para mí?
Margo: Dos cajas de chicles de menta, dos bolsas de golosinas, dos terroncitos de caramelo y quince cajas de galletitas de coco.
Vector: Exacto. Me gustaría ver a alguien más pedir tantas galletas.
¡Ni hablar! Nombrad a una persona que haya pedido más galletas que yo.
Margo: Eso serán cuarenta y dos euros.
Vector: Bien.
... siete, ocho, nueve, oh, tic-tacs.
... ocho, nueve...
Inés: ¿Por qué llevas puesto el pijama?
Vector: Esto no es un pijama. Esto es un traje de calentamiento.
Edith: ¿Para qué te calientas?
Vector: Cosas.
Inés: ¿Qué tipo de cosas?
Vector: Cosas superguays que no entenderíais.
Inés: ¿Como dormir?
Vector: ¡No es un pijama!
Ah. Tomad. Cuarenta y dos dineros.
¡Adiós!
Pero, ¿qué...? Cálmate, pez.
Abajo, chico.
Gru: ¡Lo hicimos! Venga, chicas, vámonos.

Margo: Pero, ¿y la otra gente que ha pedido galletas?
Gru: La vida está llena de desilusiones. Para algunos.
Inés: ¡Ah!
Gru: No hagas eso.
Inés: ¡La Tierra de la Diversión Supertonta! ¿Podemos ir? ¿Por favor?
Gru: No.
Edith: ¡Pero nunca hemos ido! ¡Y es el lugar más divertido de la Tierra!
Gru: Me da igual.
Margo: ¿Por favor? ¡¡Nunca jamás volveremos a pedir nada más!! ¡¿Por favor!?
Gru: Bombilla.

Edith: Venga.
Gru: Adiós, que os divirtáis.
Trabajador del parque: Eh, perdón, tío... no pueden montarse sin un adulto.
Gru: ¿Qué? Ah.
Inés: ¡Por Dios, mirad ese suave unicornio!
¡¡¡Es tan suave que me voy a morir!!!
Margo: Tienes que dejarnos jugar por él.
Gru: No, no, no.
Inés: ¡Venga!
Gru: ¿Cuánto por el unicornio suave?
Vendedor: Bueno... no está a la venta. Pero todo lo que tienes que hacer para ganarlo es derribar esa pequeña nave espacial de ahí.
¡Es fácil!
Inés: ¡Bien!
¡Otra vez!
Margo: ¡Espera!
Edith: Oh, vamos. Una vez más.
Inés: ¡Solo una más! ¡Que he cerrado los ojos accidentalmente!
¡Le he dado, le he dado! ¿Habéis visto eso? ¡Le he dado!
Edith: Oh.
Gru: Vale, vale, vale... ¿Qué ha sido eso? ¡Le ha dado! ¡Eso lo he visto yo con mis propios ojos!
Vendedor: Oye, amigo. Déjame explicarte algo.
¿Ves esa pequeña nave espacial de hojalata? ¿Ves cómo no está derribada? ¿Sabes lo que quiere decir eso, profesor?
¡Quiere decir que no te pillas el unicornio! Alguien tiene malas caras. ¡Mejor suerte la próxima vez!
Gru: Vale, me toca.
Derribado.
Inés: ¡Es muy suave!
Margo: ¡Eso ha sido impresionante!
Edith: ¡Has volado todo entero!
Inés: ¡Vamos a destruir otro juego!

Dr. Nefario: Gru, ¿te importa si tenemos unas palabras rápidas?
Gru: Vale, chicas, id a jugar.
Tengo el Rayo para Encoger. ¿Algodón de azúcar?
Dr. Nefario: Tenemos doce días hasta que la luna esté en posición óptima. No nos podemos permitir distracciones.
Gru: Ponme con Perera.
Perdón por molestarle, Sr. Perera, pero me figuraba que usted querría ver esto.
Sr. Perera: ¿Qué?
Bien hecho, Gru. Bastante admirable.
Gru: Ahora el resto del plan es sencillo. Vuelo hacia la luna. Encojo la luna. Me apropio de la luna. Me siento en el váter. ¿Qué?
Perdón, perdón, ¿me disculparía solo un segundo?
Os dije que no tocarais mis cosas. Os lo dije, os lo dije, ¡os lo dije mil veces!
Margo: ¿Podemos pedir pizza?
Gru: ¿Pizza? ¡Acabáis de comer!
Edith: Ahora no... para cenar.
Gru: ¡¿Cenar?! ¡Está bien, muy bien, muy bien, lo que sea! ¡Vosotras volved ahí dentro!
Margo: ¿Podemos coger corteza rellena?
Edith, Inés y los subordinados: ¡Oh, corteza rellena!
Gru: ¡Rellenaré la corteza con todas vosotras!
Inés: Eres divertido.
Gru: ¡Vosotras no volváis a salir de esa habitación!
De acuerdo, perdón por eso. ¿Por dónde estábamos?
Sr. Perera: Estabas sentado en el váter.
Gru: ¡No, no, no! No, lo siento. Eso ha sido un pequeño intento de humor. Sé cuánto le gusta reírse... por dentro. A ver, estaba diciendo...
Sr. Perera: No pareces concentradísimo, Gru.
Gru: Créame, estoy completamente concentrado. Yo...
Edith: ¿Hola? ¡Vaya! ¡Ese tipo es enorme!
Inés: ¿Estamos en la tele?
Sr. Perera: ¿Qué es eso? ¡¿Niños?!
Gru: ¿Qué estáis haciendo? ¡Os dije que os quedarais fuera de aquí!
Sr. Perera: ¡Gru! Para...
Gru: No, no...
Edith: Rayo para Congelar.
Sr. Perera: Sr. Gru...
Gru: ¡¡Ah!! ¡Oh!
Como iba diciendo...
Sr. Perera: No hay necesidad de continuar. He visto más que suficiente.
Gru: Pero mi plan era...
Sr. Perera: Es un plan genial. Me encanta todo lo de tu plan. Excepto por una cosa: tú.
Pequeño Gru: ¡Mira, mamá! ¡He dibujado un dibujo de mí aterrizando en la luna!
Madre de Gru: Eh.
Pequeño Gru: ¡Mira, mamá! ¡He hecho un prototipo del cohete de macarrones!
Madre de Gru: Eh.
Pequeño Gru: ¡Mira, mamá! ¡He hecho un cohete de verdad basado en el prototipo de macarrones!
Madre de Gru: Eh.
Gru: No... lo entiendo.
Sr. Perera: Enfrentémonos a la realidad, Gru. Has estado en esto muchísimo tiempo, con poquísimo éxito. Vamos a poner nuestra fe, nuestro dinero en un... villano más joven.
Gru: Pero, yo...
Sr. Perera: Se acabó. Adiós, Gru.

Gru: A ver, sé que ha habido algunos rumores circulando de que el banco ya no nos va a financiar. Pues, yo estoy aquí para acallar esos rumores. Son ciertos.
En términos de dinero... no tenemos dinero. Así que, ¿cómo llegaremos a la luna? La respuesta está clara. No lo haremos.
Estamos sentenciados. Ahora sería probablemente un buen momento para buscar otras opciones de trabajo. Lo sé, yo he prendido la mecha a mi currículum, como sugiero que todos vosotros lo hagáis también.
¿Qué es? ¿No veis que estoy en medio de un discurso motivacional?
Sí. ¡Sí! ¡Nosotros construiremos nuestro propio cohete! ¡Usando esto y cualquier cosa más que podamos encontrar! ¡Aprovechad todo! ¡Llegad a las chatarrerías! ¡Desmontad los coches! ¡¿Quién necesita al banco?!

Gru: ¿Eh? Mamá, ¿qué haces aquí?
Madre de Gru: ... Y ahí está él en la bañera. ¡Oh! Mirad su culillo.
Gru: ¿Mamá? No es guay.
Madre de Gru: Y aquí está él bien vestido con su mejor ropa de domingo.
Margo: Parece una chica.
Madre de Gru: Ja, ja. Sí, lo parece. Una chica fea.
Inés: Eres divertido.
Edith: ¡Sí! ¡La mía tiene forma de muerto!

Recepcionista: ¿Sr. Perera? Su hijo está aquí.
Sr. Perera: Hágalo pasar.
Vector: Ey, papá. ¿Querías verme?
Sr. Perera: Sí, quería, Víctor.
Vector: Yo ya no soy Víctor. Víctor era mi nombre de idiota. Ahora yo soy Vector.
Sr. Perera: Siéntate.
¿Sabes dónde está el Rayo para Encoger?
Vector: Ja, de vuelta en mi casa.
Sr. Perera: Oh, ¿está eso ya de vuelta en tu casa? Oh, qué guay. ¡Supongo que Gru es que debe tener uno que se parece exactamente a él!
Vector: ¡Oye! ¡Esas chicas me vendieron galletas!
Sr. Perera: ¿Tienes idea de lo lucrativo que podría ser este atraco a la luna? ¡Yo te doy una oportunidad única y tú simplemente la echas a perder!
Vector: No, no lo he hecho.
Sr. Perera: Oh, ¿de verdad?
Vector: Tú solo espera hasta que Gru vea mi última arma: el Lanzador de Calamares. ¡Oh, sí!
Cliente del banco: ¡Hay un calamar en mi cara!
Vector: No te preocupes. La luna es prácticamente nuestra.

Gru: ¡Venga, es hora de acostarse! ¿Os habéis lavado los dientes? Que huela, que huela. No lo habéis hecho. ¡Poneos los pijamitas! ¡Permaneced quietas! ¡Vale, en serio, en serio! Esto es, ésta es la horita de irse a la camita. Ahora mismo. Yo no estoy bromeando. ¡Va en serio!
Edith: Pero no estamos cansadas.
Gru: ¡Pues yo sí estoy cansado!
Inés: ¿Nos lees un cuento para irse a dormir?
Gru: No.
Inés: ¿Por favorcito?
Gru: El diminutivo del "por favor" no cambia nada. Sigue siendo que no. Así que, id a dormir.
Edith: Pero si no podemos. Estamos todas hiperactivas.
Margo: Y sin un cuento para irse a dormir, simplemente seguiremos levantándonos y fastidiándote. Toda la noche.
Gru: Ah, muy bien.
De acuerdo, de acuerdo. "Gatitos soñolientos". ¿Gatitos soñolientos?
¿Qué es esto?
Inés: Marionetas. Las usas cuando cuentas el cuento.
Gru: Vale, quitémonos esto de encima.
"Tres gatos querían jugar.
Juegan y juegan sin parar.
Y su madre vino a decir:
'Gatitos, hora de dormir'".
Vaya, esto es basura. ¿De verdad os gusta esto?
Inés: ¡Sigue leyendo!
Edith: ¡Venga!
Gru: Vale, de acuerdo, de acuerdo, de acuerdo...
"Tres gatos chillaban sin parar.
'No queremos descansar'.
Entonces ronroneó mamá:
'Bien, pero el pelo os debéis lavar'".
Edith: Ahora lavas el pelo.
Gru: ¿Esto es literatura? Uno de dos años podría haber escrito esto. De acuerdo.
"Tres gatitos bien limpitos ya
no se querían acostar.
Furiosa les respondió su mamá:
'Bien, mas la leche debéis beber'".
Inés: Ahora hazles beber la leche.
Gru: No me gusta este libro. Esto va a seguir eternamente.
"Tres gatitos después de acabar
empezaron a bostezar.
'No podemos dormir, jo'.
Y una nana su mamá cantó.
'Buenas noches, dormid bien,
hasta que os levantéis.
Sabed que mientras durmáis,
la mami... siempre os adorará".
¡Fin! ¡Vale, buenas noches!
Inés: ¡Espera!
Gru: ¿Qué?
Inés: ¿Qué pasa con los besos de buenas noches?
Gru: ¡No! ¡No! ¡No! Ni besar ni abrazar ni besar.
Margo: No nos va a dar un beso. Buenas noches, Inés.
Inés: Me gusta. Es bueno.
Edith: Pero da miedo.
Inés: Como Papá Noel.

Dr. Nefario: Sólo cuarenta y ocho horas para el lanzamiento. Y ya está todo listo.
Gru: Em... sobre eso. Estaba pensando que quizá podríamos mover la fecha del atraco.
Dr. Nefario: Por favor, dime que esto no e' resultado del recital de danza de las chicas, ¿verdad?
Gru: No... ¿el recital? No... Qué estúpido. Es que creo que es algo raro hacerlo en sábado. Estaba pensando que a lo mejor un atraco es cosa de un martes... ¿verdad?
Dr. Nefario: ¡Gru! Tú y yo llevamos trabajando en esto por años. ¡Es todo con lo que hemos soñado! ¡Tu oportunidad para hacer historia: "el hombre que robó la luna"! Pero estas chicas se están volviendo una distracción más grave. Necesitan irse. Si no haces nada al respecto, yo lo haré.
Gru: Entiendo.
Dr. Nefario: Bien.

Gru: ... De acuerdo, ahora cuando juntemos nuestras tazas haremos el sonido del "clink" con las bocas. ¿Listos? ¿Edith?
Gru y Edith: "Clink".
Gru: Toma ya. ¡Y ahora bebemos!
E, ¿Inés?
Gru e Inés: ¡"Clink"!
Gru: Muy bien.
Disculpadme, chicas.
Inés, Margo y Edith: Oh, venga.
Gru: No os preocupéis, volveré. Seguid tintineando.
Oh, señorita Jódar. ¿Qué está haciendo aquí?
Srta. Jódar: Estoy aquí por las chicas. Recibí una llamada de que quería devolverlas.
Y, yo también adquirí un diccionario de inglés.
No me gustó lo que dijo.
Gru: Pero.. yo...
Oh. Prepararé a las chicas.
Inés: ¡No dejes que nos lleve, señor Gru! ¡Dile que quieres quedarte con nosotras!
Srta. Jódar: De acuerdo, chicas.Venga, vámonos.
Margo: Adiós, señor Gru. Gracias por todo.
Dr. Nefario: Lo hice por tu propio bien. Venga, vayamos a por esa luna.
Gru: Bueno.

Gru: ¿Para qué es esto?
¿El recital? ¡Yo... yo soy la mente criminal más grande del siglo! ¡No voy a recitales de danza de niñas pequeñas!
Dr. Nefario: Abriendo puertas de plataforma de lanzamiento.
Iniciando secuencia de lanzamiento, y estaremos bien para empezar la cuenta atrás con diez segundos. Diez... nueve... ocho... siete...
Seis...
Vector: ¡Oh, sí!
Gru: Buen trabajo, doctor. Todo listo.
Vector: ¡Toma!
¡Ah!
¡Mi traje de vuelo!
Oh, sí. Una vez más el poderoso Vector...
¡Ah!
Gru: ¡Ah!
Surfista: ¡Oh!
Gru: ¡Ja! ¡La tengo! ¡Tengo la luna! ¡Tengo la luna!
Puedo hacerlo.
Dr. Nefario: Espera un minuto. Cómo...
Subalterno: ¡Kevin!
Gru: ¡Vamos! ¡Vamos!
Inés: Todavía no está aquí.
Margo: ¿Por qué iba a venir? Nos ha abandonado.
Inés: ¡Pero hizo promesa de meñique!
Profesora de danza: ¡Chicas, chicas... puestos!
Edith: ¡No, no podemos empezar todavía! ¡Aún estamos esperando a alguien!
Inés: ¿Podemos esperar solo unos cuantos minutos más?
Profesora de danza: De acuerdo. Pero solo unos pocos minutos más.
Margo: No va a venir, chicas.

Dr. Nefario: Gru, Gru, ¿puedes oírme?
Gru: ¡¡Ah!!
Dr. Nefario: ¡De prisa! ¡Tenemos que avisarle y rápido!
Gru: ¡¡¡Ah!!!
Vale, vale, ahí está la biblioteca... ésa es la Calle Tercera, ése es el estudio de danza, allí, allí, ¡allí es!
Conserje: Lo siento, macho. El espectáculo ha acabado.
Gru: ¿Acabado?
¡Vector! ¡Abre!
Vector: Primero dame la luna. Luego hablaremos.
Inés: ¡Señor Gru!
Vector: Cremallera, Happy Meal.
Gru: Ahora... las chicas.
Vector: En realidad, creo que me las guardaré un ratito más.
Gru: ¡No!
Vector: ¡Oh, sí! ¡Impredecible!
Gru: ¡No!
Escucha bien, pequeño gamberro. No tienes ni idea de con quién estás tratando. Cuando entre ahí, ¡ten por seguro que vas a sufrir un mundo!
Vector: Oh, estoy asustadísimo.
Inés: Él va a darte una patada en el culo.
Vector: ¿Qué? ¡Le ha dado un puñetazo a mi tiburón!
Dr. Nefario: ¡Allí está!
¡Aguanta, Gru!
¡Oh, no!
Gru: ¡Ah!
¡Vector tiene a las chicas! ¡Vamos!
¿Qué le ha pasado a la nave? ¡Es grande otra vez!
Dr. Nefario: No tan grande como lo va a ser la luna.
Gru: ¡¿Qué?!
Dr. Nefario: ¡Cuanto más grande la masa de un objeto, más rápido se pasan los efectos del rayo para encoger! Yo lo llamo el principio de Nefario. Se me acaba de ocurrir ahora, en realidad.
Gru: ¡Oh, no!
Margo: ¿Habéis visto eso?
Margo, Edith e Inés: ¡Vector! ¡Ayuda! ¡Por aquí! ¡Ayuda!
Vector: Oye, ¿qué estáis haciendo vosotras ahí atrás?
Ay.
Gru: ¡Acércate tanto como puedas!
¡Ya lo tienes!
Margo, Edith e Inés: ¡¡Ah!!
Margo: ¡Señor Gru, aquí arriba!
Inés y Edith: ¡Señor Gru!
Gru: ¡Vale, chicas, chicas! ¡Vais a tener que saltar!
Edith: ¿Saltar? ¡¿Estás loco?!
Gru: ¡No os preocupéis! ¡Yo os cogeré!
Margo: Nos devolviste.
Gru: Lo sé, lo sé y es el peor error que he cometido en mi vida. Pero tenéis que saltar ya.
Margo: No pasará nada.
Gru: Vale, chicas.
Margo: ¡Saltad ya!
Gru: Margo, yo te cogeré y nunca más te soltaré.
Vector: No tan rápido.
Gru: ¡Margo!
Margo: Suéltame.
Gru: ¡No!
Margo: ¡Ah!
Gru: Ya voy, Margo. ¡Aguanta!
¡Te tengo!
Vector: ¡¡Ah!! ¡¡No!!
Oh, caca.

Presentador del telediario: Esta vez el bien triunfa y la luna ha sido devuelta a su lugar legítimo en el cielo. ¡Pero una vez más las autoridades están desconcertadas! Dejando preguntarse a todo el mundo: ¿quién es este misterioso héroe? ¿Y qué hará después?

Gru: Vale, chicas, hora de dormir.
Edith: ¡Oh, venga! Queremos un cuento.
Inés: ¡"Los Tres Gatitos"!
Gru: Oh, no, lo siento, ese libro fue accidentalmente destruido con malévolo. Esta noche, vamos a leer un libro nuevo.
Éste se llama "Un Gran Unicornio". De... ¿quién escribió esto? ... ¡ah, yo! ¡Yo lo escribí! Ah, mirad... ¡es un libro de marionetas!
Ése es el cuerno.
Inés: ¡Éste va a ser el mejor libro de la historia!
Gru: No es por felicitarme, pero sí, probablemente lo será. Allá vamos.
Un unicornio muy feliz
pensaba solamente en sí.
Tres gatitas llegaron a él.
Pusieron su vida al revés.
Edith: Oye... ésa se parece a mí.
Gru: ¿De qué estás hablando? ¡Éstas son gatitas! Cualquier relación a personas vivientes o muertas es completamente casual.
Le hicieron reír y llorar.
No debió dejarlas marchar.
Nunca se podrá separar
de esas gatitas que cambiaron su hogar.
Fin.
Vale, de acuerdo. Buenas noches.
Margo: Te quiero.
Gru: Yo te quiero también.
¡No! ¡No!
Oh, está bien.
¿A ti no te lo he dao' ya?

Gru: Son muy buenas.
Madre de Gru: Oh, estoy muy orgullosa de ti, hijo. Has resultado ser un buen padre... igual que yo. Quizá incluso mejor.
Gru: ¡No, estoy bien! ¡Seguid!
No, no, no.
¡Oye! Ah.